my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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