Screwed.edu
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
