I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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