Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
