he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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