I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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