if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
