i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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