oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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