Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?

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(917): View more from New York City

So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat

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(661): View more from California

No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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(716): View more from New York

he smelled like listerine and beef tacos

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes

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(917): View more from New York City

Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.

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(786): View more from Florida

What vodka is american?

(1-786): View more from Florida

Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.

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(817): View more from Texas

The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.

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