last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
