I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
