ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
