We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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