I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
