i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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