he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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