dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
