did you get engaged???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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