that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
