I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
