Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize