please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
