guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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