yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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