the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
