I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
