Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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