my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
