It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She announced her abortion via fbk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
