theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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