Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
