you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We left an ass print on the piano.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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