the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
