i just had sex bonerless
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
