You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
