dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
