That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
