Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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