I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
