There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
