Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
