I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
