If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
