Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
