I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
