i don't like sucking hair
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
