yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize