I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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