This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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