you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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