Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
