this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
