he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Randomize
