So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
