so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
