Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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