stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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