Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You work out of a Hotel?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
