2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
