i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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