Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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