I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
