what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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