Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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