matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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