We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
