i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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