Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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