his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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