Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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