We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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