What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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