I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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